Elbow Noodles: Whose Elbows Are They?

Elbow noodles have long stood as a staple of Italian American cuisine, but what do we really know about them. Harvard elbow scientist Doug McGugg has done a little bit of research on the matter, and found shocking results.

It seems that for decades, the American public has been under the impression that, like other noodles, elbows were a form of pasta. This could not be further from the truth. Dr. McGugg has found the true source of the elbow; toddlers.

From what I’ve been able to piece together, it seems these elbows have come from children spanning the ages of 2–4 years old.

-McGugg on his research

The FDA has responded to these claims by issuing a mandatory halt on all elbow noodle production nationwide, much to the outrage of toddler farmers across the country.

If I leave these kids on the vine for too long, they might get overripe. I don’t have time to wait for the politics of the situation to blow over. The FDA needs to clear this up NOW, or that’s 9 months worth of crop right down the drain.

-Harrison Sprinkle, Oklahoma Toddler Farmer

The Nimrod will be keeping close tabs on the situation as it plays out, check back for updates.




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