Little Boy’s Wagon Explodes: Have Self-Destruct Buttons Gone Too Far?
The popularization of self-destruct buttons over the last few years has grappled the commodity industry. But after one Missouri mom saw her little Chucky’s Red Riding Wagon explode in their front yard, she began to ask some questions.
“Why did my son’s wagon have a self-destruct button?” was one of the questions this mom asked. Her name is Ysabelle Dorado, a 34-year-old elementary school teacher who moonlights as an animal orthodontist. One Saturday morning, she let her youngest son Chucky run around the yard with his new Red Riding Wagon, which has topped the wagon sales charts for the last five weeks when it surpassed the Goosey Yellow Wheelbarrow as the #1 kid’s logistical toy. All was quiet for the first half hour, then a loud crash caused the snack of cheese and crackers Ms. Dorado was preparing to slip off the counter to the ground, where the family dog gobbled it up as if an explosion had not occurred.
Ms. Dorado ran outside to find her son covered in soot and his hair spiked up and over his head. She said the hairdo looked “hella cool” on her boy, and that he walked away from the incident with just a little bruise and slight anemia from missing cracker time.
“It makes no sense to me that this little kids toy would have a self-destruct button,” Ms. Dorado said.
Red Riding Wagons are manufactured by Hillsboro Magillacuddy’s, a popular children’s toy and naval weapon manufacturer. Activists online have long accused the company of being in the pockets of “Big Lobby”, with the lobbyists for self-destruct buttons placing high on that list.
“I don’t see what’s wrong with putting a self-destruct button on a wagon,” said Jason Chaffam, President of Americans for Prosperity and Self-Destruct Buttons — the #1 lobby for self-destruct buttons in the United States. “Say the kid carrying something he’s not supposed to, like an old rotting pumpkin his mommy told him to stay away from. Well if he didn’t have a self-destruct button on the wagon, then mommy’s just going to catch him with that rotting pumpkin. I don’t think Americans want a little boy being caught by his mommy with a rotting pumpkin.
“In fact, I don’t think we should stop at wagons,” Chaffam also said. “I think we need to get self-destruct buttons on building blocks, board games and pacifiers. And I’m sure the dilligent, thoughtful and loyal members of Congress will do whatever they need to get this issue solved. After all, it’s on the front of many Americans minds.”
When told of Mr. Chaffam’s proposals, Ms. Dorado said that she “is not looking for self-destruct buttons” and that “the one on my refrigerator is enough.”
Since 2017, Americans for Prosperity and Self-Destruct Buttons have lobbied for their cause in many pieces of legislation. The group has managed to have self-destruct buttons added to such things as motor vehicles, water heaters, shovels and food processors.
