Senate Rules Trump Guilty of Insurrection, to Serve 10 Years of Being Naughty

Donald Trump being a naughty boy

The second impeachment trial of Donald Trump came to a conclusion on Saturday (Feb. 13) with the Senate determining Donald Trump responsible for inciting the riot on the Capitol that took place Jan. 6 and sentencing him to 10 years of being a naughty little boy.

“His words we cannot take lightly,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY). “The way we had to duck under our desks and hide in the dark while those people marched on the Capitol… why, I think that makes Trump a real naughty boy; a devilish little rascal, who shall promptly serve time in the shame that he deserves for acting in such a delightfully rapscallion type of way.

“Ultimately, we wanted to give him a slap on the wrist,” McConnell continued, beginning to pant. “Just to let him know how naughty he was being. He was a real bad boy that day.”

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) opposed the sentencing, instead supporting a much more stricter reprimanding of the former president. However, as Senate Republicans grew bored of the legal proceedings, the Democrats altered course and compromised on a naughty sentencing.

“We like to think this is a win, but it isn’t a victory,” Schumer said. “Now Trump was a very naughty boy, one of the naughtiest I’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t deserve harsher consequences. Don’t get me wrong, the man’s naughty. But I was just hoping for a better sense of justice.”

The Democratic caucus varied on its ideal punishment for Trump’s incitement of insurrection. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) suggested that Trump’s conviction should lead him to be fired out of a cannon, but Democrats couldn’t agree on where Trump would be fired into. Angus King (I-ME) lobbied for Trump to be exiled to an island as France did to Napoleon, but many feared that Trump would return to the U.S. upon discovering boats.

Mitt Romney (R-UT) was not available for comment.

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