Man Caught Between Microwave and Radio Can Now Taste Sound
Josiah Bennett spent his Monday morning no different than he does his Tuesday mornings, Thursday mornings, Saturday mornings and Easter weekends — radiating hot a cup of frozen stew while his favorite morning radio show Giuseppe and the Sound Farm provided background noise.
But this Monday morning ended up different than his Tuesday mornings, Thursday mornings, Saturday mornings and Easter weekends. While shuffling appliances in his kitchen to make room for his third toaster (this one specifically for heating a delectable crunch into english muffins which no other toaster could), Bennett had moved his radio away from the kitchen sink and instead atop a country-style pantry cabinet in which he’d house his oats, quinoa and pudding packets. This pantry cabinet stands in front of Bennett’s microwave, just about two feet separating the objects.
Bennett went to heat his morning stew when, as neighbors reported, a loud bang and large bolt of light shot through the house. One neighbor — Marcery Jenkins, 88 — hobbled over to the house to find Bennett lying unconscious on the floor. Jenkins shook Bennett awake, screaming for him to “come back from God.” Bennett said, when he woke up, that he tasted raisins and garlic — a taste uncommon to lightning-strike survivors, who often cite popcorn and licorice to be the predominant mouth flavors upon regaining conscience. Jenkins told Bennett that she had eaten her daily bowl of raisin bran and a piece of leftover garlic toast, which made Bennett pass it off as a coincidence.
Able to move his whole body without much difficulty, Bennett continued with his morning routine after telling Ms. Jenkins to “please leave.” The radio had turned off following the spark, so Bennett hit the power button and within seconds began to throw up uncontrollably.
“I had somehow turned on an experimental jazz channel,” Bennett said. “I hadn’t realized it then, but the cacophonous tones created a flavor in my mouth so confusing and yet deliciously foul that it triggered my gag reflex. I never really understood what it’s like to be in war, but I feel like I came close when hurling non stop while having to try and throw an apple into my radio just to knock it down and shut it off.”
Bennett stopped vomiting once the radio shut off. Feeling an odd sense of patriotism, he sat that afternoon to watch Saving Private Ryan, but again noticed weird tastes coming to his mouth.
“I was tasting a soothing mint when the soldiers were on the boat,” Bennett said. “But once they charged the beaches of Normandy and the gunfire started, all I could taste was metal — like I was drinking blood. And, for some reason, there were also nodes of tangerine.”
At that point, Bennett’s 105 IQ connected the dots. He realized that the electrical incident had turned him into what he describes as “this generation’s superman.” On discovering this ability, Bennett has promised that he would use his power for good and good only. This decision comes after a recent incident in which a man combined with a blow dryer and washing machine decided to use his power for evil, creating hurricanes that have devastated many and killed thousands.
